On a certain variety channel, at present
Er, today’s traveler is the magician Tenjiku Devil-san, coming to us from the town where strange things seem to keep happening one after another. It seems that the relay broadcasting is all set up. How are things looking over there, Devil-san?
“…I can see that giant plush toy even from here. It’s beautiful. The world really is so beautiful. What a miracle. Understand?”
What do you mean?
“Look, in that park. A girl with a strange hair color is playing with a giant praying mantis. My my, I stop paying attention for just a moment and this town changes.”
What is that giant praying mantis? Is that enough reason to say the town has changed?
“I think I’ll go introduce myself right away.”
Are you listening to me, Devil-san?
“Nope. …Hey, you two. The weather’s great, isn’t it? The color of your hair and the color of that praying mantis match and make for a wondrous harmony. Understand?”
“…? Wow, Summer-chan, that’s a TV guy! Are they broadcasting us on TV!?”
“Oh! You’re Devil-san, the magic user!”
“I’m not a magic user, Miss. I’m a magician who uses secrets and tricks. Understand?”
“Ehh, but those things you do have got to be magic! Like making Shibuya completely invisible, or spitting up lions from your mouth! How can you use magic without a staff, Devil-san?”
“It’s because I am a magician. Are you a magical girl? All right, I’ll perform a conjuring trick without using a wand to prove to you that it’s a simple trick, not magic. I wonder what will emerge from this hat? One, two, three!”
“Wow, that’s so cool!”
Whoa. That’s disgusting.
What is that supposed to be, Devil-san?
“I produced a grasshopper to go along with this praying mantis. Understand?”
Why is it so big?
“To prove that nothing is impossible for a magician.”
I don’t get it, Devil-san.
“Very well, perhaps I’ll take a taxi again today… I’ll pull a taxi from this handkerchief. One, two, three!”
…One really appeared. Wow, your conjuring is as amazing as always, Devil-san.
“Aww, that TV guy just up and left. He forgot his grasshopper, too. Is that okay?”
“Hey, Summer-chan! Summer-chan!? Don’t just sit there watching, help me out! Stop snacking!”
“Huh? But… grasshoppers are like food to you, right, Tis? Can’t you just eat it?”
“There’s no way I can eat something this big! What’s up with this thing anyway!? A conjuring trick!? Conjuring is really scary, it’s freaky, why does this thing have to be so realistic when I’m stuck looking like a stuffed toy!?”
On a certain variety channel, 20 minutes ago
Now, on to the next topic of news.
Sakazaki-san is on location to investigate the reports of an unbelievable object within a certain town in Saitama Prefecture. Please go ahead.
“Thank you. This is Sakazaki, at the scene.
“Yesterday afternoon, here in Tokorozawa in Saitama Prefecture, a gigantic stuffed… bear – no, perhaps it’s a bear costume – over 100 meters in height was first sighted in front of the train station – no, in the sky above the train station… I don’t even have words for this!
“Look! It’s as big as Godzilla! The giant bear mascot is crawling around slowly, looking down at the town!
“Ever since it appeared, it’s just been casually marching between the buildings in Tokorozawa, handing out some kind of flyer… Anyway, here are some eyewitness accounts! Umm, this is the man who first witnessed the bear coming down from the sky and reported it to the police… huh!?”
Sakazaki-san? What’s wrong?
“Aren’t you Hariyama-san!? The one who came forward one day as a friend of the person who won seven hundred million in the lottery, and then the next day as a witness in the mysterious streaking incidents, and then the day after as someone connected to the golden lobster incident… and today you’re a witness for the plush bear! You’re here every time something happens! It’s just about driving me crazy, you know! What, don’t tell me you’re pulling the strings behind all the—”
“Umm, I don’t really–”
Er, please excuse us. It seems some trouble has arisen on location, so we’ll move on to the next news program.
In today’s entertainment news, we’ll be following super popular high school idol Radi Kanbara-san, currently on break!
On a certain variety channel, 10 minutes ago
“Radi Kanbara, the fair-skinned young girl who’s the hottest idol right now! Today we’ll be on-site where they’re shooting her first gravure photobook ‘COFFIN’!”
“Nice, Radi-chan! That subtle smile while crying is just great!”
“Uh, um, c-can we finish this quickly, cameraman? I-If the sun sinks a little lower i-it’ll start to reach under the parasol…!”
“Hmm? It seems like Radi-chan really hates sunlight. We asked the girls in her class if they might know the reason for it.”
“Radicchi? Oh, sunlight’s bad for her. Really, really bad.”
“She’s a vampire, so if she gets exposed to direct sunlight, she gets really badly burned. But she still wants to be a gravure idol, like she doesn’t know any better… She really shouldn’t be so presumptuous.”
“Hey, Hariyama-san, isn’t that going a little too far?”
“Ugh, Mifuyu-chan, we’re on TV and everything but you’re as terribly antisocial as ever.”
“She gets super sick! It’s pretty amazing. Radicchi thought of going ganguro once. She went to a tanning salon and almost died.”
“Hey, what’s presumptuous supposed to mean anyway?”
“Learn more Japanese.”
“Haha. A very unique idol does indeed keep very unique friends. Now, I wonder how the photo shoot turned out?”
“Great, that scared expression is just perfect. Okay, now stretch your legs out to the edge of the shade just a bit more. Ahahaha, witness the power of a camera that can capture the image of a vampire who isn’t reflected in mirrors!”
“C-Cameraman, you know about me and you’re doing this anyway!? Y-You’re really in for it when night faaaaaaaaalls eeeeeeeeeeeek!”
Haha, a vampire gravure idol, huh? That’s a new product indeed. Well, there’s also an idol who’s said to come from another planet, so it’s fine.
All right, the next segment is the “Here, There, and Everywhere Taxi Journey”!
Today we’ll be heading to Tokorozawa, Saitama Prefecture… oh, this is… isn’t this the same town where the plush bear is?